where im going?

smh i hold a lot of emotions in me. i dont know how to exactly use them in a correct form. i really wish i knew. lately all i get is arguments from left to right and from almost everybody. sometimes i feel like a fuck because no matter how hard i try, something always goes wrong. it hurts to see the only few that should care, not care at all. it seems like im living a shitty life and i only got 1 person to make it better. to be honest its actually good enough for me but i literally have no influences or anybody to look up to, especially when it comes to having a male role model. most of the time theres always random bullshit in my household, sometimes i just be like fuck it whats the point? but this 1 person makes such a difference in my life without doing a damn thing. its like shes my guardian angel. saved from a bad life, but where is this current path leading to?